Start where you are, yes, but don’t stay too long
A problem…
Yesterday, I had a meeting with an ex-colleague of mine — a chance encounter by the sea had led to a café sortie.
This usually cheerful woman — we’ll call her Annette— had seemingly been replaced by her double: an actor, playing the part of a soul-sucking dementor… for 90 minutes straight.
For an hour and a half I was soaked in the sewage of her spewing — a stream of complaints about a workmate.
There was no drawing of breath, no chance of relief. Just wall to wall complaining.
I sat, smiling steadily, in support of her plight, watching huge hands sweep the clock behind her shoulder.
What was my companion complaining about? What was it about her colleague — let’s call her Pam — that she couldn’t get past?
Pam, it transpired, is an obsessive fault-finder — she criticises her workmates; her family; the world… She’s a major-league moaner.
Life is the ultimate pixie of human plight — the consumate Cosmic Comedian…
My friend was complaining… about her workmate’s complaining!
She shouldn’t behave like this! Why won’t she stop complaining?
Annette found her colleague’s negativity unbearable. It was understandable. But the reality behind this outpouring was stark.
As the spewage continued, its true source was clear — to me, but not to her. Annette’s distress wasn’t caused by her teammate’s behaviour, no matter how challenging we’d agree it to be.
We know the true cause of all distress:
“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” — Shakespeare
Suffering is never, ever about conditions, people or events.
It’s only ever about the puppy-mind’s howling,
‘I neeeeeed it to be different.’
Annette’s outward focus on how her colleague should be different had her stewing in unexpressed rage. Her pain came from her battle with reality. As her puppy-mind howled, she was sucked right into the pain-trap of need.
How can I feel better when she behaves like that?
It was so easy to see what was going on across the table. I smiled in support as I sighed inside… I felt for this woman. I wished she’d let me help. Oh how I wished her some modicum of relief…
We parted company, unlikely to ever meet again…
Not ‘tired’, but raging and pretending to be ‘fine’…
It was lunchtime before I noticed my depletion. Struggling to appreciate the day; tired, lethargic, I stopped, tuned in, to uncover what my puppy was up to…
Blow me if my mind-pup wasn’t chewing over the meeting and its moaning… Even though this woman is not close to me — I’ll probably not see her again — still my puppy mind wouldn’t leave her be.
My mind-pup picked obsessively at the carcass of that meeting.
As I tuned in to the emotions of the piece, I could see what was compelling my puppy. I felt so much resentment about that wall of complaint! Not only had the 90 minutes been spent on Annette’s diatribe, but it had also stopped abruptly with her sudden announcement then, “Oh, is that the time? I really have to go...”
Much as I’d tried to ignore it, I was mad as hell!
As I welcomed my emotions completely, the cosmic comic peeked out from behind the curtains…
Hours after the event, inside my head, I was complaining…
about Annette’s complaining…
about Pam’s complaining!
What hell is this?
The hell of a puppy-mind chasing its tail — way beyond contagion…
What resonant creatures we are! Spend a little time with a strongly felt vibration and it’s almost impossible to avoid joining it, amplifying its frequency…
By the end of the day I was teary and exhausted.
How do I stop myself complaining about their complaining?
How do I free myself from this hellish irony? — my evening journaling began. I talked to Michael, Abraham, my Beloveds in non physical.
This is what came next… my Dream Team in bold italics.
Change the channel
You have to change the channel.
You can’t receive solutions when you’re tuned into the problem.
You don’t have to figure this out. The expansion has already happened. The minute you felt the kick of this complaining, you created the opposite and better. Your inner being, your true Self lives it already.
Now, you must leave the problem alone.
You have to drop it completely.
You need to tune into the waves of expansion, in order to access the upgrade.
I have to change channels. Like the radio…
That’s right.
…Not fix a broken channel.
Or switch it off.
Or stop it from broadcasting.
Just… change channels.
Exactly.
Now, get out.
Pardon me?
Take your mug of coffee with you on a short evening walk.
Soak in the sun and its setting.
If you want to change channel, moving works wonders; Nature’s the best vibe you can get…
It was gorgeous! Autumn glory and the joy of warm coffee. Moving my body took me out of my story; the rhythm of my steps speaking Michael’s words to me,
“I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you!”
Every step dialled me further into the appreciation channel… into loving every detail of our co-mingled life. All senses are shared fully now we’re two souls in one body. Joy is so amplified for Michael and me.
Soon we were overflowing with delight… passing rapture back and forth together, as we do…
Oh that Virginia Creeper, Sweetheart! What glowing ruby colours, and all glistening in the rain!
Wow, yes! Incredible!
Hey, Babe, look up! What a sweet face, profiled in the cloud!
See how slowly it turns away, towards the setting sun?
Isn’t that the most beautiful sandstone, Darling?
Don’t you love its soft sparkle?
Have you ever seen more vibrant grass?
So zingy-lingy!
I know! I know… Wow, wow, WOW!
Insights come when you’re basking
What came to me then fair blew me away.
I’ll share the insight with you next time… Suffice it to say, it brought me sweet, lasting relief about the whole pain-chain, complaining game…
In the meantime, if you find your puppy poking at a problem, obsessively compelled to ‘figure it out’; download it on paper, with the emotions that drive it.
Then walk away.
Change your thinking channel, reassuring your mind-pup — the answer’s on its way. Be firm as you tell it that the solution is sorted but it’s located a good distance away.
The solution won’t be found anywhere near the problem.
It will be found where the good feelings are.
Find a channel that feels good, spend your time there a while and be ready for the insights as they line up and delight you.
Want help? Book in.
Don’t waste one more moment of your life poking at the problem.
Get yourself smiling today.
Acknowledgement: My blogs, my coaching and my life are founded on many wondrous teachings, most particularly those of Abraham-Hicks
Thank you for sharing your process and REAL emotions Amanda... and how you were able to recover and tame your unruly puppy mind! I can totally relate. It's so very hard. And we have the ability to change the trajectory of where our minds, emotions and actions go.
Oh this image of a puppy chasing its tail! So so fitting! Sometimes it is so hilarious when we finally see the lesson. 😅 Thanks for writing it down and sharing!